Monday, November 28, 2011

Seven Years Old- true story transcribed from a letter

I see a little boy in my thoughts and he is alive. He listens to Dr. Seuss on an old record album that his mom bought him and he reads along with the story. It is around Xmas because I see the lights twinkling from the tree. He is 7 years old and full of hope and joy. He does not know that his parents are fighting in the kitchen. His dad sits him down on the couch and explains as well as he can that he has to go away. The boy just thinks it is temporary. I'm sure that he was not aware that his life was just starting to fall apart and so he grows up not knowing anything. His father finds companionship as does his mother. He continues to grow.
His stepmother yells at him. His dad is not aware, the boy does not care. His life is OK. The boy loves his family and he is happy by himself. His father gives him his guitar and he plays and plays that guitar. That guitar made his dad depressed because he used to play songs to his wife.
Both families live, and die, in good health, and the boy lives on to become something great.

The End.

"I always wonder what this world would be without artists. It would not be original, it would be generic and boring. Perhaps hell is a world without art and music. My life is art, heaven is art, forget this all."

-I. Bonnet

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Sometimes Model - a random portfolio, a short essay

The rose is without why.
It blossoms because it blossoms.

Dear Riva-
As regards your question from Sunday concerning what the model is thinking about while working, or "on stage":

A swarm of things wants to come out of me in response to this question- none of which takes precedence other than.. sex.
I suppose male models can't really indulge in thinking about it for catching an erection, (and I've had some "models only" dinner parties, but seemed to have failed to ask this question.) But thinking about it gets me out of my body faster than anything else.
Not that escape or even "meditation" of some sort is the ultimate goal. Sometimes I try to not get too relaxed or I'll start to fall asleep.

My fears with modeling include, superficially, getting a flat ass and/or a weak heart from all the sitting- but that's why I have a responsibility to yoga and cardio, and to eat well- but also the times when modeling will not be the work I choose to do anymore for whatever reason (bad joints, poor health, new job, etc.) It seems to be such a fulfilling thing to be doing at this time in my life, I suppose I just don't want it to end. Maybe that's simply a fear of change that rules all of us to some degree.

I feel more a part of this community than I have the community for my own art form (writing poetry), and in a big city too! I'm from a small town and strange rivalries and friendships are made on every level of expertise. I don't sense it, but is there a Northside/Southside art rivalry? Maybe they are completely (almost) separate worlds? I think my process could benefit from exposure to this on a large scale, having come from the country (western PA).

Anyway, I'm getting off base here.
I don't feel personally hypersexual or preoccupied with sex itself as a subject, even tho' I'm sure I have quite a lot to say about it.
It tends to enter into my mind on its own more often probably for my occasionally forcing it there to launch myself out of some pain I may have to endure for as long as 20 minutes.

Being a model (and my dyslexic self causes me to switch the last two letters of that word constantly) has caused me to deal with pain differently.
Breathing into it to explore it, finding what muscles surround it to shift into to get out of it or away from it. Stretching on a break, or putting ointment on it to confront it.
Lauren Levato mentioned she notices that I reveal my true(er) self when I model... who knows, maybe the artist who is looking carefully can tell when I go away, then come back into myself.

Right when you asked me this, it was the first break, and earlier I'd been thinking about my aunt, father's older sister, who is quite sick and may die very soon.
Those very questions of morality, philosophy and great thinking lead to, sometimes, a preoccupation on the stand with a line or two of poetry. Most likely something new to compose.

Very rarely also a song will stick in my head- it happened once & I had the occasion to tell an artist about it and he went online and ordered a cheap CD of it for me right then. It was great!

But that's an overview of a little bit of my mindset during figure work... photography is a whole other beast we'll have to talk about someday.