Two Nineteen.
I am 27 today. And lonely. (In Maine).
On Hobson's wharf, in Becky's diner, warming my hands with half-decaf and thinking about how surreal a kind of day like this spent alone can be.
The odd years are always the best, but they start out so casual, so understated..
When I turned 21 by the end of the day I was crying. That day was supposed to be spelling my name in the sky. The day that followed instead, was much much better. And I guess that's how I'll feel tomorrow... relieved that the pressure is off.
I do currently have the best boyfriend ever. Supportive and sweet and calling me and sending messages. He is also lonely and we're a little heartsick for one another. Even as that situation won't remedy itself for another couple weeks, its still bittersweet knowing that a short few hundred miles away, someone is down with me.
The sun is so bright, it's hard for me to not want to be outside. But the wind: an icy and unforgiving witch.
I walk around town dropping off applications to everywhere I can think short of laundromats (and I might just break out the phonebook and do that later this week.)
No bites yet, but we're close. Hard to get a part-time gig in this town.
In hopes of a more positive experience with birth control and condom-free sex, I put in a "nuva ring" today. A little plastic hormone delivery system. More news on that later, I hope.
Guys to my rear rap about basketball and I think of a friend in PA with his family. Called me at the beginning of the weekend in anticipation of Monday off. Yes, today is also president's day. Me and Lincoln- we're taking on the world at every turn.
Volunteering at the TV station tonight. A show at the Strange Maine- a little hodge podge shop with music and movies. I only went there once and the cashier looked like every member of TV on the Radio combined. Having a phone conversation about something either extremely personal or very illegal.
The math professor sends me an email:
"And remember, 27 is the last prime cube you will ever achieve as a birthday."
Yep. 27. Your life is amazing. Right down to the split ends.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Addressing Busters
"The State is for Man. NOT Man for the State." - Jacques Maritian
It's an election year, and I owe my friend Patrick an apology...
Back in '08, swept up in Obama fever, I shot an email out to friends and family drumming up enthusiasm, or at least sharing my own, for the upcoming election.
I was excited for much of the same reasons that others were, including voting for the first time in a place other than Western PA, and was- as I still am- a resident of Chicago, Illinois. Ground Zero Obamaville.
When I talked to my friend Pat about who he was voting for, he said: "No one. I'm not voting."
I then proceeded to give him a bunch of shit for it.
I'm not even sure I remember his reasons for not voting. But time, and experience, teaches.
Perhaps he knew something I didn't, and was afraid to tell me for fear I wouldn't listen.
My point being, I'm not sure whether I come to this out of the peculiarities of a generation so generally and swiftly jaded by a broken, static system, maybe each one feels more estranged than the last...
Although for me it was late 20's, I'm sure it's a more personal timeline for everyone. Some people never get to confronting that coarse of injustice that facilitates a nihilistic outlook on what is, at large, a wholly dysfunctional option.
But, to Pat and to whom it may concern: I'm there. I've arrived.
You were right, and now we have Occupy fever.
To digress a moment, my last two partners have been "Baby Busters". They were, are, 48 years old.
In speaking with the first one day, I had a realization that I should have had a long time ago, which was that this system and its politics are cyclical like anything else. The same samsara-trap set, the same trap going off again and again.
What scam that involves selling our rights back to us comes next is our only guess- "universal health care" seems like the likeliest candidate.
And the latest admitted a paradox, because the current Mr. President is himself a "Buster", a generation also plenty jaded with politics.
However complex the variables and outcomes, the primary conclusion is herein momentarily being: I've decided to divorce myself from voting.
No ballot casting ever again, for anything local, state, federal, international, universal.
Voting distracts.
And besides, don't we just vote every day anyway with a thing politicians are more interested in anyhow?
Money.
It's an election year, and I owe my friend Patrick an apology...
Back in '08, swept up in Obama fever, I shot an email out to friends and family drumming up enthusiasm, or at least sharing my own, for the upcoming election.
I was excited for much of the same reasons that others were, including voting for the first time in a place other than Western PA, and was- as I still am- a resident of Chicago, Illinois. Ground Zero Obamaville.
When I talked to my friend Pat about who he was voting for, he said: "No one. I'm not voting."
I then proceeded to give him a bunch of shit for it.
I'm not even sure I remember his reasons for not voting. But time, and experience, teaches.
Perhaps he knew something I didn't, and was afraid to tell me for fear I wouldn't listen.
My point being, I'm not sure whether I come to this out of the peculiarities of a generation so generally and swiftly jaded by a broken, static system, maybe each one feels more estranged than the last...
Although for me it was late 20's, I'm sure it's a more personal timeline for everyone. Some people never get to confronting that coarse of injustice that facilitates a nihilistic outlook on what is, at large, a wholly dysfunctional option.
But, to Pat and to whom it may concern: I'm there. I've arrived.
You were right, and now we have Occupy fever.
To digress a moment, my last two partners have been "Baby Busters". They were, are, 48 years old.
In speaking with the first one day, I had a realization that I should have had a long time ago, which was that this system and its politics are cyclical like anything else. The same samsara-trap set, the same trap going off again and again.
What scam that involves selling our rights back to us comes next is our only guess- "universal health care" seems like the likeliest candidate.
And the latest admitted a paradox, because the current Mr. President is himself a "Buster", a generation also plenty jaded with politics.
However complex the variables and outcomes, the primary conclusion is herein momentarily being: I've decided to divorce myself from voting.
No ballot casting ever again, for anything local, state, federal, international, universal.
Voting distracts.
And besides, don't we just vote every day anyway with a thing politicians are more interested in anyhow?
Money.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)